The Times They are a Changin'

How do you feel about change?

Love it?
Hate it?
Somewhere in the middle?

I am one that, for the most part, likes it. I have a tendency to get bored when things stay the same for too long. I can usually navigate change well and enjoy the process. 

However...

What happens when God asks you to change and it involves something that you love and hold very dear to you heart? That's the world I am living in right now. 

For the last 7 years I have had the privilege of serving the Lord through my music. It is my love and passion, but God asked me to lay it down. He has asked me to give up something that I hold very very dear and instead, move in to a place of uncertainty. 

I am not a fan of uncertainty. I like to be able to see the picture even when the pieces are not all together yet. I actually usually do that fairly easily. But not this time. It is just blurry. I can't see how things are going to all work out and it makes me uneasy. 

The real "ah-ha" moment came when I heard God say "Do you love your job and your ministry more than you love Me?" "Will you lay it down for Me?"

I was faced with the ugly question of whether or not I had made my worship an idol that was more important that the One who was the object of that worship.

In the Bible, Genesis 22, Abraham was faced with the same situation. He longed for a son and when Isaac was born, he thanked God for the gift of his son. He loved Isaac more than his own life. 

Then God asked Abraham to make the most difficult decision of his life. God asked him to lay Isaac on an alter and sacrifice him like an animal to honor the Lord. 

And Abraham did what the Lord asked.

Only at the very last moment, God stopped Abraham from killing his son and provided a ram to sacrifice in his place. 

God saw that Abraham was willing to lay down his most precious thing, a supreme sacrifice for sure. And so God blessed Abraham and all his descendants.

I am not comparing my situation in any way to the magnificent sacrifice Abraham was willing to make for the Lord, but I do feel like God was asking the same question of me. 

"Are you willing to give up what you hold dear because I ask it of you. Are you willing to move to a place of uncertainty that may cost you something because you love me and you trust that I have something better for you?"

And so, with tears and mixed emotions, I said "Yes, Lord. I will lay it down for you. I will lay it down because I love you and I trust you."

As I navigate this change, I don't do it right every day - but I try my best to give it over to the Lord because He asked it of me. I strive to navigate these days with grace and trust that His plan for my life is far better than anything I could ever ask or imagine.

What may He be asking you to give up? Is there anything that you may are putting above Him in your life? Will you lay it down if and when he asks?

Broken

Today I am sitting in St. Arbucks far from home having a non-fat, extra-hot, with-whip, 1/2-pump, mocha-white mocha (how's that for an order - you may commit it to memory so that if you ever have need of a favor you will know I can be bought) and finding myself having a bunch of alone time to reflect. 

I find myself looking out the window at the people passing me by and wondering how many of them would consider themselves broken? Broken in some way, mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually. How many are searching for literally God only knows what?

I know that I certainly fit in to the broken category in many ways. I guess we all do in our own way. We have sin to thank for that. But today I am finding myself broken in a different way. I find that God is breaking my heart in new ways for people who need Him. People who are broken because of this fallen world and don't know that only Jesus is the fix for that. 

I find myself holding back tears every few moments as I am touched by a song or a thought and know that I am not alone in my tears. God sheds them everyday for His creation that He loves so very much. Those that He longs to mend in various ways but will not turn to Him. His creation that turns away from Him to find fulfillment and healing in other things. 

So today, I welcome being broken. I embrace the tears and want to see my world as God does. I feel that unless I do, the people God puts in my path and on my heart will continue to be broken in a way that is not desirable. 

How long has it been since you took a good long look at the world around you and were broken as you saw it through God's eyes? Take some time and do it. Someones life could depend on it!

And if you are looking for a little light listening to spur you on, check out:

Addison Road - Run

Mercy Me - Won't You be My Love
Hillsong Song - Hosanna
better yet- support the bands and go buy them on itunes :o)

Modern Day Slaves

Did you know that today, April 21, 2010 there are more slaves in the world than ever before in human history. It is estimated that there are somewhere between 27 & 30 million slaves, but some counts are as high as 200 million. The most distressing fact is that 80% of those are women and children forced into some form of sexual slavery. 80%!!!

Last night I went to a advanced screening of a new documentary film done by a group of students (Artists for Abolition) at Texas A&M Commerce called Worth Fighting For. The event was compelling to say the least. To walk into the room and be confronted with girls behind a chain link fence holding signs with their age and how much it would cost you for an hour of "pleasure", all the while being explained the process by the "sales man" - well it was extremely unnerving! One of the most disturbing parts was that as the girls got younger - the price went up. It made me sick, especially since the girls portrayed were the same ages as my girls. I learned that 6 people are sold into slavery every 2 minutes. In the time it takes me to write this blog post, there will be about 60 more slaves on this planet, some as young as 4.

When the film began, there was not a sound in the room, except the occasional sound of tears being shed for those oppressed. One of the guys that helped create the film said something that will be burned into my memory forever (I HOPE!) He said that when he was confronted with the reality of this injustice in our world he wept. He went to his campus and laid face down with his open bible on the quad cement and cried out to God saying "Lord, I want someone to weep with me." He then felt God answer him by saying "I want someone to weep with me too."

I think we have become so callused to the injustice in our world that we forget that God weeps over it and he longs for someone to weep with him. It brought to mind a line form one of my favorite songs that says "Break my heart for what breaks Yours..." a line that in daily life is pushed to the back of my mind and replaced with my everyday, suburban to-do list. What on earth has happened to me that I have become so comfortable in my life that I forget that God weeps over the enslaved and the broken hearted and the lost?

Well, as I am still trying to process all of this and what it means for my future, I know one thing for sure - I have been changed at my very core and now I have a decision to make: Will I sit and let apathy kill me and others, or will I  embrace this new adventure God seems to have put in front of me, let Him take the lead and just follow?

"For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, Now I will arise," says the LORD; "I will set him in the safety for which he yearns." - Psalm 12:5

An Ocean of Tears

I LOVE this picture, which is really funny because I have a fear of water, but looking at this picture I feel a sense of calm and peace. There are many other pictures of the ocean that are anything but calm and peaceful. (Deadliest Catch anyone?) I think it is the rough sea and what is IN the sea that I fear. I don't know what it holds and it makes me afraid. 

A few years ago, my husband and I were taken on a trip with his work to Mexico. It was a great trip! First one in our marriage that we didn't go with any kids YAY! They had all of our days planned out for us and one of the excursions they planned was on a large catamaran out into the ocean to go snorkeling.  GULP!!! I seriously almost didn't go. I was to afraid. But after taking some dramamine I boarded the boat, knowing that God had my days numbered and if I was supposed to die in this ocean and I didn't go, then He would have me miraculously dropped in the middle of said ocean to fulfill His will for my life. Melodramatic - maybe! But I was scared and it helped me to rationalize it that way. 

Anyway - I got on the boat and ended up having a really good day. The ocean was realatively calm and I even kind of fell in love with snorkeling (with the exception of scraping my legs up on a bunch of rocks and bleeding in to the water as I swam the 100 yards back to the boat fearing a shark attack! (No really - that part is true!) As much fear as I had of the unknown ocean, I conquered it and it felt really good. I would probably do it again.

Some ocean experiences don't end like that. I mean Titanic, Posiden Adventure, The Deep, JAWS. Ha! But seriously. I have heard stories of friend who have been on cruises that have hit rough sea and it was NOT fun. Not sure I ever want to go there. I am sure they didn't want to either, nor did they think that would be their experience when they set out on their adventure, but sometimes God has other things in store for us than what we have planned. 

I thought of the ocean today as I was reading in Psalm 56. Verse 8 says this:  

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

In my head, I tried to imagine a book that God keeps that has written down every time I (you, the whole world) tosses because we can't sleep due to life circumstances or are tossed to and fro by the "waves" we encounter.  I also pictured a bottle big enough to hold every tear drop that has ever fallen from the eyes of the human beings He created and loves so much. That bottle must be bigger than any ocean I have ever seen. Some of those tears were cried in the middle of the tempest and some were cried in a calm respite, but He knows every one of them. That thought kind of blew my mind!

In life, there are no guarantees of what is to come. Right now my life feels somewhere in the middle of the two pictures posted here, but that could change in an instant. As I am writing this I think of many in all sorts of places - friends who have recently lost a baby, a daughter who is wading through the stress of college, a woman who for the first time in a long time is at peace in her life, a couple who is homeless and through all that stress is still seeing God's provision for their precious family, a couple awaiting the arrival of their new daughter, a husband and father who feels imprisoned by his job and yet fights through it every day for the ones he cares about, the young mother who is overwhelmed, a precious 6 yr. old and her family fighting her cancer, and one who is grateful for a year cancer free. The list could go on...

No matter what the sea of your life looks like today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or the next take these words of David to heart in Psalm 56:9b -10:

This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. 

This was written during a horrible time for David as he and his men were being hunted by King Saul. Yet he knew that God saw him, held every tear that he cried, counted every tossing and David trusted. God is in control of your life if you have given it to Him. He sees you. He knows you. He loves you!

And next time you see the ocean (stormy or calm), remember God has it all in the palm of His hand.